Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Have you ever noticed that you start off going one place and end up in another?  Now for the directionally  challenged, I do not mean this literally,  I am speaking figuratively.  Six months ago, I started blogging to track my progress towards being financially free from debt of all sorts - although that is still my main goal, while working towards that I have found that being financially free is not the magic button to happiness.

Let me explain:  I think deep down I have always felt that if I was a bit more financially secure, I would not feel so trapped by my job.  I have not always been in the education field. Before I went back to school in my early 30's I was working in accounting offices in the automotive industry.  I was very good at my job and made very good money.  I just hated the environment of the auto dealership.  But, I never felt like I had the freedom to just switch jobs because of the financial pressure it would put on my family, namely homelessness!  However after moving to Florida in my late 20's I was able to stash away enough money to quit my job and go back to school full-time.  I teetered back and forth about majors, accounting which made sense considering my work experience, or my dream of becoming a teacher.  I eventually decided on teaching and at the age of 34 graduated with my Bachelor's in Elementary Education.  I started teaching, went back got my Masters in Educational Leadership, got a job in administration and now making more money than I ever have...and still not enough to feel "safe or secure."  So, I have started to reflect and realize that feeling safe and secure really has nothing to do with my job or my money.  It has to do with how I much energy I put into these two facets of my life.

Even though my New Revised American Dream was to be financially free, I find it is morphing more into being free from the grip of worry. It is a huge burden to worry about everything all the time. So, I hope you forgive me if my blogging is beginning to look more like self-discovery than self-help. I am currently finding it hard to separate the two.  It seems that self-help is so intertwined with self-discovery that one without the other is hollow.  So, I hope you keep reading as I find my way through my psyche to my "Happy Place" where worry is not my primary state of being and appreciation of all things happens on a regular basis.

Anyone else find that even when things are going well, you worry about what is around the corner instead of enjoying the now?  It has taken me 44 years to realize...just enjoy the now.

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